STREAKER DISRUPTS LOCAL DERBY

It had all the hallmarks of a classic tussle. Local champions Froghill Athletic, playing at home to their arch rivals Withering Wanderers. Hundreds of people, braving the cold on a raw Saturday afternoon, were there to cheer on their favourite sides.

It was midway through the second half, the score even at a nailbiting one-all.

Then, breaking free of a melée in midfield, Froghill centre forward Doug Prentiss powered towards the Wanderers’ goal. He aimed a deft last second flick to Peter Mellish, who took advantage of Withering’s poor marking and drove the ball home.

Hardly had the cheering subsided however, when some kind of disturbance seemed to be taking place among the crowd. Detaching itself from the visitors’ end, a male figure was seen to bound onto the pitch. A figure who, despite temperatures hovering around the zero mark, was wearing nothing except a Withering Wanderers bobble cap.

The figure, as it ran towards the centre of the pitch, was pursued by yet another, this time in the shape of PC Brian Shadwell. Closing in on his prey and attempting a rugby tackle, PC Shadwell unfortunately misjudged his distance and ended up face down in the mud. The crowd gave a resounding cheer, easily the loudest of the match, as his helmet rolled away across the pitch.

To the continuing amusement of the crowd, the naked figure then proceeded to dance jubilantly around the fallen PC, laughing and flicking V-signs.

The hero of the afternoon was to come from the Cemetery End. For it was here that local glazier Dave Gusset was parked, watching the match from the warmth of his car. Seeing the figure break free from the crowd and then blithely elude PC Shadwell, Dave realised that immediate action was called for.

“I just threw my cheese sandwich out of the window and ran pell-mell from the car,” explained Dave later. “Well, I mean, you read about this sort of thing in the papers, but you don’t expect it to happen here, do you?”

Barging his way through the crowd, Dave snatched a hat from the head of a female spectator as he ran. Bounding onto the pitch, he deftly tripped the streaker with his right foot, sending the naked figure sprawling in the mud.

At this point, a bedraggled PC Shadwell caught up with them and, pinning the streaker’s arm behind his back, hauled him into an upright position. A round of applause, mingled with some jeering, rose from the crowd as Dave clapped the lady’s hat over the streaker’s private parts.

The streaker, Froghill College philosophy student Mark Allinson, later told the Observer that he had “done it for a bet”, while admitting that he and his friends had been drinking in the Bull’s Head before the game.

Despite the disruption, Froghill went on to win the match, beating Withering 3 – 2 on penalties.