VILLAGERS PARTY AFTER FLYING SAUSAGE MISHAP

There was one big bang followed by lots of small bangers last Saturday, as Withering residents enjoyed a fireside feast. The tasty treat occurred as the result of an explosion at Bingley’s the Butchers in the High Street.

To proprietor Charles Bingley, the idea of promoting his new range of sausages had seemed like a good one. Hire a gas balloon with the shop’s name on it, inform everyone in advance and then float high above the village dispensing free samples from the air.

The sausage-shaped balloon, 30 feet high and inscribed with the words 'Everyone Knows That Bingley Puts The Meat In', took off from Withering Green at around 3pm. The intention was to make several circuits of the village before landing back at the Green some 90 minutes later.

Unfortunately, Mr Bingley's airborne publicity stunt did not go quite as planned. Pilot Chris Langdon takes up the story:

“I was unhappy about the flight from the off. The weather was blustery and we don’t usually like to fly when the wind gets above a mild breeze. However, Mr Bingley insisted that we go up, as he’d spent a lot of money on having the balloon done out.”

Everything started out smoothly enough, the giant sausage rising gracefully into the air above Withering. Mr Langdon made a slow circuit of the village while Mr Bingley waved to the crowds and threw sausages over the side.

But then a freak gust of wind caught the balloon, causing its pilot to lose control. The basket tipped violently, forcibly ejecting both occupants. As luck would have it, they were above Withering primary school and landed on a bouncy castle which had been erected in the playground. Both men were slightly hurt, Mr Langdon being mildly concussed, Mr Bingley receiving whiplash from a falling chipolata.

The balloon, now considerably lighter, veered back toward the centre of Withering, spilling its remaining cargo as it went. It lurched across the village, depositing a trail of sausages across streets, houses and gardens.

The meaty windfall caused havoc in Withering Kennels, as canine residents fought snarling over the unexpected bounty.

When the balloon approached the High Street, its upturned basket snagged on the top of the war memorial. The whole assembly then crashed earthwards, jettisoning the gas cylinder, which crashed through Bingley’s display window before exploding.

The shop roared into flame and curious people came thronging from the direction of the Green. A succulent smell of roasting meat pervaded the scene, with hungry villagers looking on as the fire took hold.

Appliances from the Froghill Fire Service were soon on the scene and made short work of dousing the flames.

Said firefighter Ted Denbigh: “The shop was completely gutted, but there were lots of sausages which were done to perfection. So we passed them out to the crowd. Then someone went off to The Roebuck and came back with a couple of barrels. All in all, it turned into a bit of a session.

“I felt rather sorry for old Bingley though. He arrived just in time to see the rafters of his shop collapse.

"Then someone handed him a pint of bitter and a burnt sausage.”