GOOD SAMARITAN IN SHOPPING PRECINCT BLOW OFF RESCUE
An elderly man today thanked the anonymous Good Samaritan who came to his aid after he broke wind in The Beeches last Friday.
Kenneth Bottomley was on his way to buy some tinned food for his cat Tinkerbelle when he was caught unawares by a massive and violent bout of flatulence.
The force of the emission was so great that it catapulted the 81-year-old head first into a brick wall, knocking him unconscious.
Mr Bottomley, of Sandhurst Road, Cheetingham, said: “I didn’t know what hit me. One minute I was walking towards Price-U-Like, the next minute I woke up on the floor.
“As I came to my senses, I was aware of feeling cold from the waist down. And then I realised that the force of the blast had completely ripped away my trousers and pants.
“But, to preserve my modesty, someone had wrapped my lower body in several pages from The Watchtower.
“Whoever my Good Samaritan was, he or she spared my blushes.
“And, for that, I thank them.”
Mr Bottomley was taken to Froghill General and kept in overnight for observation. Despite suffering a mild case of genital hypothermia, he was pronounced fit to go home on Saturday morning.
Said Mr Bottomley of his ordeal: “The enormous trouser burst must have been caused by the spinach and egg curry I’d had for lunch. Next time, I think I’ll put fewer chillies in.
"That way Tinkerbelle might get her dinner on time”
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