TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS IN FROGHILL

There has been an absolute spate of saucer sightings in the Froghill area this past month. The Observer switchboard has been flooded with calls since 10-year-old Jamie Benbowe spotted a mysterious green ball in the sky over Withering on April 18.

And then, one week later, on April 25, Daisy Cutter reported seeing a fiery red orb hovering silently above the fields bordering Swansdike Road.

The event was nothing new to our oldest citizen who, at 110 years of age, is no stranger to strangers. For Ms Cutter claims to have seen flying saucers on several occasions throughout her life.

Ms Cutter, who is well-known for her liberal use of herbal relaxants, insists that her multiple UFO sightings and her recreational pursuits are completely unrelated.

“They're completely unrelated,” she told us, before enquiring whether we were familiar with Star Trek.

Interestingly, Ms Cutter is not the only Froghill resident claiming to have had a close encounter.

Emily Fanshawe, 92, reports actually having spoken to the occupants of a cigar-shaped craft which landed while she was enjoying a takeaway hamburger in the gardens of Fanshawe House.

“They emerged from their spaceship and they looked like giant green tadpoles. At first I was rather alarmed,” said Ms Fanshawe. “But they spoke to me in perfect English and said I had no need to be afraid.

“They addressed me politely and apologised for disturbing my meal. They told me that they came from a dying planet on the far side of some nebula or other, I quite forget which.

"Then they asked me who the most powerful man on our planet was.

“So I picked up the hamburger delivery bag and pointed to the picture of Ronald McDonald on the side.

“Saying that they had urgent business with him, they thanked me, reboarded their ship and then flew away at high speed. Whoosh!

"You know, those aliens may have been repulsive to look at, but they had beautiful manners.

"And I do think that counts for such a lot these days, don't you?”