LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Dear Sir,
As an alternative to spending out on costly funerals, why not try composting your dead relatives instead? This is not only ecologically sound, it also ensures that your loved ones will be literally pushing up the daisies. And that’s not to mention the financial benefits!
To get yourself started, the only things you'll need are a compost bin, plenty of kitchen waste and, of course, the dear departed. Make sure to locate the compost bin as far as possible from the house, as the decomposition process does tend to attract flies.
The kitchen waste should be an equal mix of ‘soft’ material, like fruit and vegetable peelings, tea-bags and food leftovers, and ‘hard’ material, like egg shells, old cartons and scrunched up paper.
Carefully place the deceased in the compost bin, making sure that you have already laid down a generous bed of soft material. Cover the cadaver with an even mixture of both hard and soft materials. Then close the lid and wait. What could be easier?
The process can take time - anything up to two years for all the body parts to break down and produce good quality compost. But, on the plus side, you won’t need to bother with expensive funeral arrangements or suffer the hypocrisy of smarmy men in black ties. What's more, you'll have a bumper crop of roses and the money you save can be put towards your next holiday or even a new bedroom suite!
Composting is a rewarding and profitable activity for all the family, dead or alive. I recommend the composting habit to all Observer readers.
Yours sincerely,
Pippa Waghorn (Mrs)
Froghill
The Editor replies:
Do any other readers have unusual, economical or practical suggestions for dealing with the deceased? The Observer will pay £10 for each one published.
20/06/06 @ 04:46