HOUSEHOLDERS FLEE LUNCHTIME CROC SHOCK

Residents in Froghill were evacuated from their homes and roads were closed after a man-eating crocodile was seen emerging from a manhole early on Monday afternoon.

The lunchtime drama saw householders from the Burnt House Lane area hastily leaving their homes as police helicopters circled overhead and a crack team of marksmen moved in.

Ginny Blessed, whose garden gives onto to the manhole, said: "The first I knew was when a policeman rang on my doorbell and advised me to leave my house. So I grabbed my purse and followed him without thinking. The street was full of people, all being shepherded away from the danger area.

“It was only when the officer had escorted me through the cordon at the end of the road that I realised I’d forgotten the baby and had to go back to fetch him.”

The problem of crocodile infestation was reported in these pages back in August. At that time, reports of reptile abductions were dismissed by a Froghill Council spokesman as “hysterical tosh.”

This latest drama began at 12.30pm when a member of the public alerted police to the fact that a large greenish snout was protruding from a manhole in Burnt House Lane. The manhole was one that had been earmarked as part of the Council’s controversial drain maintenance scheme. It had been left open by workmen who were lunching at the nearby Nosh-U-Like café.

Police closed the road at 12.42pm, evacuating local residents to a place of safety. Then a four-man team from Froghill Constabulary’s élite Reptile Observation, Tracking, Trailing, Eradication and Removal Squad (ROTTERS) moved in.

Squad director Brian Gecko said: “As we approached the hole, we could clearly see the creature’s head. It was massive. The animal was snarling and had what appeared to be a partially decayed human leg in its mouth.

‘Let me tell you, when they’re like that you don’t take any chances. Our only option was to use the decoy technique.

“This involves an officer with a fishing rod slowly moving into the animal’s field of vision. Suspended from the hook at the end of his rod is the life-size dummy of a gazelle, impregnated with the scent of rotting meat.

By jerking the rod up and down, the officer can make the dummy appear to move. This holds the animal’s attention and gives a second officer time to get into position. By approaching the croc on its blind side, he can get to within a couple of feet of its head.

“When the croc makes its lunge for the dummy, the second officer pops a primed hand grenade into its open jaws. This requires nerves of steel and split-second timing - the remaining two team members provide cover with automatic weapons, just in case.”

To a round of applause from residents, the crocodile detonated at 1.15pm, scattering body parts over a wide area. Several onlookers who had unwisely ventured inside the police cordon were covered with flying debris and had to be taken to Froghill General for descaling.

Commenting later to the Observer, Hector Mouthwash, president of the Crocodile Liaison, Obstruction and Detection Society (CLODS) and self-styled authority on reptiles, said: “Once again we find the spirit of apathy at large. Time and again we’ve complained to Froghill Council about these reptiles in our sewers and nothing ever gets done.

“The Council needs to find a solution to this crocodile problem. And what's more, they need to make it snappy.”