FOUL-MOUTHED ROBBER BOTCHES EARLY MORNING NEWSAGENT RAID
A man wearing a ‘Happy Shopper’ bag over his head botched a robbery at Veejay’s News in Bellhammer Road, Froghill, at about 7am this morning.
Despite the robber's brandishing of a rotary potato peeler, none of the shop's earlybird customers was hurt during the incident. The offender made off with 73 Mars bars, 25 copies of the Snail on Sunday, a deluxe box set edition of Pictionary and £2.47 in cash.
Due to the fact that he could not see clearly, the man collided with a pile of shopping baskets on his way out of the shop. He then fell flat on his face and shouted the words ‘Bugger me sideways with a knobbly stick’ in a strong Lancashire accent before gathering up his booty and making his escape.
Police are looking for a slightly-built man of medium height, estimated to be in his early twenties. Heading up the enquiry, DS Bunton of Froghill Constabulary said: “We are treating this crime as an act of opportunism, probably by someone from a middle-class background, judging by his choice of newspaper.
“Though nobody saw the man’s face, we have good eye witness descriptions of his height and build and it is likely that his shins will be extensively bruised from his misadventure with the shopping baskets.
“Over the next few days we will be randomly pouncing on slim young men, pulling down their trousers and then hitting them in the face to see if they swear with a northern accent.”
Anyone with information about this morning’s robbery should phone the Froghill Constabulary on 0372 47777. All calls will be treated in confidence.
21/01/07 @ 10:37