NO SEX PLEASE – WE’RE COUNCIL WORKERS
A rigorous new Anti-Climax policy is to be adopted by Froghill Council. The policy, based on the hard evidence of a nationwide study into sex and productivity, will come into force on April 1.
Under the terms of the new policy, council staff will be required to abstain from all sexual behaviour, both in the workplace and at home. Sexual activity, whether conducted singly, in pairs or in larger groups, will be permitted only during daylight hours on public holidays.
Dr Aidan Braithwaite, author of the Declining Industry and Carnal Knowledge Study (DICKS) told the Observer: “It is well-known that footballers refrain from having sex on the night before a big match. This is for the simple reason that sexual activity reduces stamina.”
“It is less well-known that over 100,000 working hours are lost in this country each year due to people being generally shagged out. Add to that the time lost by workers taking illicit wank breaks and we're looking at something in the region of 150,000 hours.
"For the good of the nation, we just can’t keep it up,” Dr Braithwaite added.
To ensure compliance with the new policy, all council staff are to be fitted with personal monitoring devices. These will be surgically implanted into the base of the abdomen and will detect sudden rises in body temperature, rhythmic movements of the pelvis and excess levels of frontal fluid emission.
http://poppycock.blog.co.uk/
20/03/07 @ 08:10