EASTER BUNNY IN PRIMARY SCHOOL PUNCH-UP SHOCKER

Fur and feathers flew last week when the Easter Bunny paid his annual visit to the pupils of a local school.

One child was treated for shock and two men were arrested after a fight broke out in a classroom at St Tapir’s Primary on Friday afternoon.

“It was obvious from the beginning that something was badly wrong,” said class teacher Michael Hawthorne.

“The Bunny was very unsteady on his feet and collided with the door frame as he came into the room. He belched audibly and then started giggling and scratching his genitals. It was pretty clear that he’d been drinking heavily.”

There was worse to come, however. Holding onto a desk for support and swaying from side to side, the Bunny started to address the children.

“His voice was very slurred,” said Mr Hawthorne, “and it was almost impossible to hear what he was trying to say. He muttered something about Easter and getting hung up, but it was all very garbled.

"The children were a bit frightened and one of them raised a hand to ask him to speak up.

“At this, the Bunny lost his temper and started shouting incoherently. He was waving his paws about and I could make out the words ‘little’, ‘bastard’ and ‘toerag’ from among the torrent of abuse.

“I decided that enough was enough, so I moved forward to take him by the arm and escort him from the room.

“But as I approached him, he lashed out at me with his forepaw, so I responded by punching him in the jaw.

"It was purely an instinctive reaction, I did it without thinking,” added Mr Hawthorne, a 15-stone ex-rugby player.

The children watched in horror as the Bunny reeled backwards into the Easter display at the front of their classroom. Losing his balance completely, he fell full-length onto the table containing a basket of chocolate eggs and a cage full of week-old chicks.

The table collapsed under his weight, leaving the Bunny groaning on the floor in a gooey mess of shattered eggs and dying birds.

“As he got to his knees his head rolled off,” said Mr Hawthorne, “and he put his hands onto one of the desks to lever himself up.

“It was then that he vomited all over a small boy in the front row.”

“We were called to St Tapir’s at 3.46pm,” said DS Geoff Bunton of Froghill Constabulary, “after being notified of a disturbance in one of the classrooms.

"As we entered the premises, we saw the teacher Mr Hawthorne repeatedly kicking a man in a rabbit costume who was lying on the floor in the foetal position."

The two men were taken to Froghill police station from where Mr Hawthorne was later released without charge. The Easter Bunny, real name Marlon Dobbs, an unemployed actor from Swansdike, was detained for further questioning.

After contacting girlfriend Kelly Barlow, the Observer can reveal that the 27-year-old Mr Dobbs is a manic depressive who was last year diagnosed as severely allergic to children.