STUDENT TO SPEND FORTNIGHT MILKING TAPIRS
An intrepid Froghill College student will be jetting off on Monday to spend two weeks as a volunteer in Colombia.
Once there, physical education major Matthew Granger, 21, will be lending a hand in the country’s newly-established tapir milking programme.
Matthew will be working on a farm about 50 miles outside the capital, Bogota. The farm collects and packages tapir sperm, which is then sent to the United States, where it is highly prized as a cure for baldness.
Not only does this initiative provide much-needed hard currency for the impoverished South American nation, it is also seen as a way to reduce Colombia’s excessive dependence on coca cultivation and processing.
Matthew will be working alongside three other like-minded people from around Britain, all of whom volunteered as part of the Alternative Cures from Developing Countries (AC/DC) project.
He has already taken part in an intensive five-day orientation session in London to prepare the volunteers for the rigours of day-to-day life on a tapir farm.
“As a milker, my job will involve squatting inside a mock-up of a female tapir, which will be wheeled into a field full of males," said Matthew.
"By imitating the noise a female makes when aroused, I should be able to get males to approach and then mount the mock-up. Then, when a male thrusts his member through the hole in the rear, I grab the business end and direct it into a collecting bottle to catch the ejaculate.
“I’m very much looking forward to the experience,” said Matthew.
“And it’s nice to know that the fruits of my labours will not only benefit Colombia but also bring hope to those afflicted with the curse of male pattern baldness,” he added.
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