SKELETON FOUND IN CRISP PACKET

Builder Brian Whitstable got a bigger crunch than he bargained for when he popped a handful of crisps into his mouth last Friday morning.

For Mr Whitstable, 27, of Swansdike Road, was amazed to find that not only did his packet contain the expected Roast Seal Pup crisps, there was also a complete vole skeleton in there, too.

"I'd already eaten about half the packet when my teeth cracked against something hard," said Mr Whitstable, “and when I pulled the object out of my mouth, I found it was the skull of a small rodent.”

This came as a particular shock, as it wasn't the first time Mr Whitstable had come across an undesirable object in a packet of Wanker’s crisps.

“About three months ago I found the firing pin from an AK 47 assault rifle in a bag of Sour Cream and Nightshade,” he said, “and last year I found a yak’s testicle in a packet of Salt and Peyote."

When contacted by the Observer, a spokesman for Wanker's Snack Foods said: “It certainly does seem unfortunate that Mr Whitstable should have found so many foreign bodies in our products.

“We have investigated his complaint and found that there has been an infestation of voles at our Ashby-de-la-Zouch crisping plant. This appears to have been due to one of our fat saturating operatives bringing Emmental sandwiches with him to work.

“As you know, voles are powerfully attracted to Swiss cheese and have been known to bore their way through reinforced concrete walls to get at it.

“We have since issued a company-wide instruction prohibiting staff from bringing Swiss dairy products onto any of our premises.”

By way of compensation for his unpleasant experience, Wanker’s have promised Mr Whitstable an entire year’s supply of any one of their products.

Upon receiving news of the offer, Mr Whitstable said: “Well, I was thinking of never eating Wanker’s again, but with an offer like that, you can’t really refuse, can you?”

When asked which product he would choose, Mr Whitstable thought for a moment before saying that he would probably plump for Spicy Wombat flavour.