WE’RE JUST WILD ABOUT HAIRY
It may be months before the next one hits the shops, but no matter, because here in Froghill, we’re just wild about Hairy!
People have already started queuing outside Otterpaws in Bancroft Street in advance of the release of J.K. Toweling’s new novel Hairy Porter and the Deaf Marshmallows on July 31.
The queue started forming a week ago and is now more than three people long. First in line, 12-year-old Withering schoolboy Duncan Disordalie, said: “I’m a real Hairy Porter fan and I just can’t wait to find out whether Hairy is going to get killed or not!”
Rumours are rife that Hairy will finally meet his end in this book, which is the seventy seventh of the series.
Bets are being taken on the identity of the assassin, with bookmakers William Hillock giving odds of 4-5 on Lord Mouldy-Wart as Hairy’s killer. Fellow Hogfarts pupil Neville Shortarse is running a close second at 5-2.
Other contenders to kill the precocious little wizard include the ghost of Professor Bumblebore at 6-2, Rubiks Shagrid at 8-1 and Ron Measels at 9-2.
The bookmaker is also accepting bets on Ron and Hairy entering into an openly gay relationship (8-1), Hairy’s Numballs 2000 broomstick blowing a gasket during a round of Glenfiddich (7-5), 'Wacko' Jacko Millefeuille experimenting with crack cocaine (16-4) and Hermione Strangler getting a job as a receptionist at the Chelmsford branch of the Citizen’s Advice Bureau (12,000-1).
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